i know what he is saying..almost totally

abstracted from a webpg

http://www.dear-god.net/hope/i-hope-you-can-hear-me-and-help-me-feel-alive-again/#comments


I FEEL THE SAME AS ALL OF THESE PEOPLE LORD WHY IS IT THAT YOUR PEOPLE CALL OUT TO YOU FOR THE BLESSINGS THAT ARE WRITTEN IN THE BOOK OF TRUTH ,YOU SAY YOUR YOKE IS EASY COME TO YOU AS WE ARE ,BELIVE WITH CHILD LIKE FAITH HOPE PEACE AND JOY AND MOST OF LOVE ARE GIFTS FROM YOU ,YOU SAY TO ASK AND BELIVE AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE ,WHAT EVER YOU ASK IN MY NAME YOU SHALL HAVE …….WHY IS MY LIFE UP SIDE DOWN ,WHY IS MY JOY ,PEACE ,HAPPINESS AND LOVE LEFT ME AND AROUND ME .PEOPLE SAY I NEED TO DO IT BUT I CANT I TRY BUT FELL EVERYTIME NO PEACE COMES WIHEN CONSTANT FAILURE, FROM MY JOB ,MY MARRIAGE ,MY FRIENDS, I JUST WANT TO DIE ATLEAST I WILL REST IN PEACE,I AM SO TIRED OF BATTLING DEPRESSION LONELINESS, NO HOPE THAT I WILL BE ABLE TO PAY BILLS EVER HAVE PEACE FOR A PLACE TO LIVE, TO EVER BE ABLE TO SUPPORT A RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN,I FIND IT VERY HARD TO EVEN SPEND TIME WITH MY BOYS,BECAUSE WE CANT AFFORD TO DO ANYTHING ANYMORE I AM ASHAMED OF HOW I HAVE LET THEM DOWN AND MYSELF ,NO JOBS TO SUPPORT IT ,NO ONE SEEMS TO HAVE THE ANSWER FOR NOT PASTOR ,THE CHURCH ,FRIENDS FAMILY I TURNED TO YOU AND YOU TURNED YOUR FACE FROM ME I KNOW YOU CAN NOT LOOK APOND SIN BUT YOU CAN CHANGE ME AND ALLOW ME TO HAVE LIFE AND HAVE LIFE ABUNDANTLY WHAT EVER THAT IS .WHEN ARE THE CHILDREN OF GOD PUNISHED SO MUCH WHEN OTHER PEOPLE OUT SIDE OF YOU PROSPER WHO ARE YOUR PEOPLE WHO ARE YOU.WHAT HAVE YOU PUT INTO ME THAT I CANT EVEN GIVE UP LIFE WHAT IS THIS HOPE THAT NEVEER COMES,I ASK YOU TO SHOW ME YOUR PLAN THAT YOU HAVE FOR ME SO I MIGHT WALK IN IT THAT MY LIFE WOULD BE ENJOYABLE,YOU SAY TO BE CONTENT WHERE EVER WE ARE BE I DONT KNOW WHERE I AM ANYMORE I LOST ,I ASK YOU TO TAKE ME I WILL NOT BE MISSED,ANY LIFE IS BETTER THAN THE ONE THAT HAVE BECOME,I AM ASHAMED TO HAVE MY CHILDREN THAT THEY SEE ME HOPELESS AND TELL TO TRUST IN YOU I HAVE NO WITTNESS FOR NO ONE,IT IS SAID YOU ARE NEVER LATE FOR ANYTHING BUT I FEEL YOU HATE ME AND HAVE FORGOTTEN ME,I ASK YOU IN JESUS ‘S NAME BLESS ME THAT I MIGHT HAVE LIFE AND HAVE LIFE ABUNDANTLY,THAT I MAY HELP OTHERS BY SHARE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME THAT THEY MAY BE BLESSED WITH PEACE JOY AND HAPPINESS…I STOP BREATHING IN HOPE THAT I WILL NOT LIVE ,WHEN I SLEEP I HOPE NOT AWAKE I THINK OF WAYS THAT MY LIFE COULD STOP ..AM I ALL READY IN HELL ………..

move on

my friend defines it so well :

always love thrill, excitement, unstability in friendships

that’s what make me thrive,the mystery in it

anything that is simple, stable , regular bores me

however at my age, I guess a lot of people are searching for stability, settling down

. a family, house, kids. Marriage, etc/ tough to decipher this

I got to move on, seek for my purpose n keep focusing.

I was off track for a long time

And one word that she said hit me.

I m doing all the different outward things to try to get things right

Sincere.

The word that my friend told me, that was what I lacked when I searched for god. I wanted temporal satisfaction , fulfillment to make my soul feel good. But it will not come, cos my heart had double motives

I remember the days that I live fully, wholeheartedly is when i literally told HIM that I would give it all to him , everything.

Now I hold on to much of the world, the desires, e secular life. I got to let it go and start living. Otherwise I m so stuck. The world seems to be moving by me, whizzing by without time being relevant to me no more.

Time has no hands

Money is irrelevant

Materialism is unimportant

Heart is e statement of my balance

it hurts

a person comes into ur life.
paints ur life with rainbow, hurt, sorrow, love. pain love ,hate
thought it was a 90% love n 10% hate.
changed the way things were
altered e smells of food
changed the mood around
moved the atmosphere
the presence of being present
made things so complicated

made me felt so vulnerable
made the world feel so occupied n exciting
then made me keep my barriers and guards all up
what is this?

a game?
that the person could choose to play ?
give the quits n white flag when they had their share in e fun?

seek for closure
it gave none
quit when it chose to
walked away when it wanted to
left w/o a word

the hurts it carved
the grief it caused
the pain is so deep and raw
the wounds have yet ceased

the loss it caused
the sorrow
the self centerdeness of tt prude head

made me ponder for the first time in myentire life
this word called


trust.

how do i let go ?
i put too much hope in mankind.

clerks II

life cannot be just like that .. from weeks turneds to years. at the rut place ur in. get out of it !

heart attack ?

was awoken at 5 am yesterday with chest pain .. like soemthing horribly stuck near my heart. around my chest region and there were momentarily chokes near my neck.. like as though someone was strangling me..

i wanted to choke and puke but nothing came out.

i was fearful of driving to e hosptial. thinking tt i might have a heart attack or stroke anytime.

anyways was so early,cldnt get a cab.

i drove to e A & E at tan tock seng hospital.

they did a check up for me..

i was expecting something horrible after gg thru e x-ray. turned out tt i just have some muscle contraction near e heart.

oh yeah i was puking n having diarroeha the whole earlier part of the day.

today feeling better . took a lot of rest, getting back my reigme.

want to eat properly and exercise more, feel like a turd. a lazy unmotivated turd now.. got to start living properly. afraid of failing ..

it feels so much different when i can eat n have a normal heart beating.. this is e like e basic fundamentals tt i enjoyed today.

penang objective met

holidaying alone thought me one thing.

its no fun.
its alone.
its kinda scary when they r so many foreign faces
it gives u fear
it gives u independence
it forces u to decide alone
it gives u little reliance on people
it make u ponder abt the appreciation of so many things.

for starters.
abt singapore cleanliness
singapore's orderliness
my friends n family.. my home.. i miss it so much
singaporean people
the familiarity despite the rigidity
the fines imposed to ensure rules r not opposed.

it was an experience.

in the middle of the night . so dark on the streets of penang.
walking alone. with so many motorcycles wheezing by .
feels kinda scary ..
hearing hw they rape, kill and snatch stuff.

anyway thankfully i m back .
safe and alive.

i lived to tell e story lol xD


my objective was met

1. to feel fear
2. to appreciate sg
3. to appreciate ppl around me

so rough

i haven tried harder enough i let go when it got tough.. its not meant to be like that .. i m supposed to be the light admist it all but somehow somewhere i lost tt spark, that spark n glow of your glory .. along the way..i wanna fight again but the steps r so rough, so tough

the fight is not over yet , stay .

desert song

abstract

i know not to shout or cry...for have fought with all my might...guess my all was never enough...i walk with my head held high...this pain you will not understand...to leave my soldiers behind...never a choice of mine...oh help me Lord

just for laughs

Singapore's Origin

How Singapore got its name

Version 1 : When Raffles stepped out of his boat on to Boat Quay, a man was running by announcing the birth of his son in hokkien.
' See ta poh, See ta poh '

Version 2 : I thought the story was like this : The malay/indian king, Parameswara, was sleeping under a tree and was dreaming. He was rudely awakened by an animal resembling a lion. So, out of shock, he screamed
' Singa porda, Singa porda ' (which means, 'lion, get lost!')

Version 3 : When Raffles sailed up the Singapore river for the first time, a malay lady was bathing in the river, having left her clothes on the river bank. A singh came by and stole her clothes. The upset lady started shouting after him,
' Singh Kapoh, Singh Kapoh '

Version 4 :' Singapore ' was actually translated from the name 'Singapura' in Bahasa Malaysia . Story goes that there was a prince that came to our island many many years ago, on an exploration trip. Then he suddenly saw a lion and he named our island 'Singapura', which means lion. Imagine if he had seen a pig instead of a lion. ('pig' in Malay is 'Babi')


Singapore And Government

Two British men and a lady stranded on a desert island - they each took gentlemanly turns with the lady.
Two Italian men and a lady stranded on a desert island - the two fought and one killed the other to have the lady.
Two American men and a lady stranded on a desert island - they both had the lady together.
Two French men and a lady stranded on a desert island - they killed the lady to have each other.
Two Australian men and a lady stranded on a desert island both dug until they found COLD beer, drunk and passed out before they get to the lady.
Two Singaporean men and a lady stranded on a desert island the two are still waiting for instructions from the GOVERNMENT.


Philosophy

Singapore and Malaysia have different philosophies of life. This becomes apparent when we compare the two countries' Rules of Simple Living.

Singapore

1 - One Wife
2 - Two Children
3 - Three Bedroom Condo
4 - Four Wheels
5 - Five Figure Salary And indeed.


That is why ' Singapore is solid'! Malaysia ? Well


Malaysia

5 - Five Children
4 - Four Wives
3 - Three Figure Salary
2 - Two Wheels


Buying Brains

Dr M has great difficulty trying to find solutions to his country's economic and currency problems. He knows his brain isn't working well now. So he decides to go to the United States to have a brain transplant. He thought that with a new brain, he can think better and can find better solutions to the problems.
The neurosurgeon asked Dr M if he wanted a cheap brain or an expensive one. Cheap brains are Singapore brains while the expensive ones are Malaysian brains. Dr M was simply overjoyed. He could not stop laughing. He said 'At last, we have something more valuable than they have!'
While smiling from ear to ear, and out of curiosity, he asked the neurosurgeon, 'but why are Singapore brains so cheap and Malaysian brains so expensive?'
The neurosurgeon replied 'Oh, its very simple. These Singaporeans really overused their brains. They don't ! just plan 1 or 5 years ahead. They plan a generation ahead. Malaysians, on the other hand, hardly use their brains. These brains are virtually brand new!'

Taken To The Cleaners

Two Malaysian mates are walking along Boon Lay Road when they see a sign which reads: 'Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 per pair'. Ali says to his pal, "Gerek, sial! We could buy a whole lot and when we get back to Johor, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you diam-diam, okay? Just let me do all the talking 'cause if they hear our accent they might not serve us. I'll speak in my best Singapore accent." They go in and Ali orders 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at 2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each. The owner of the shop says, "You're from Malaysia , aren't you?" "Oh, ... yes," says a surprised Ali. ! "How come you know that?" The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaner shop and these prices are for dry-cleaning ."


ASEAN Meeting

During the ASEAN meeting, all PM of the ASEAN countries were present except for Goh Chok Tong who was represented by LKY. During a conversation, Dr. Mahathir of Malaysia says, "I came up with a bright idea to produce Proton cars and with a initial investment of M$1 billion, we now make M$50 million a year. That is what I call Money Mind."
Mr. Suharto of Indonesia says: "I am going to start a car manufacturing plant to produce our National car for only $500 million RP and it will generate $50 RP million a year. Isn't that smarter."
LKY of Singapore, obviously not impressed, says, "I told my Land Transport Minister to spend SGD$500 to buy an old printing machine and also made SGD$50 million a y! ear." Everybody was taken aback and asks "What the hell can you do with just SGD$500 only ?" And LKY replied "I use the machine to print COE certificates !!!"

complete way

after i got pnemounia, i tght i ll die.. i went to check online.. quite possible.. but i wont .. taking antibotics

watched this show.. little miss sunsine.
the show was showing abt their life, so poor, scraping thru loopholes. etc.. i dun wanna work live. get my dreams , eat n die
i know there is ssomething greater than this
n i need him to show me e way. e complete way